Mastering the two emotions that will transform your life forever!
Every new year brings with it new opportunities. While most of us tend to set external goals, it is internal growth that has the potential to truly transform our lives.
Even though hundreds of human emotions have been documented in detail, I realized that I could barely name a small percentage of them, let alone distinguish the difference between them. Please take a moment to pause, breathe, and close your eyes after you read the following questions: How many emotions can you name? How many of those have you felt in the past 30 days?
The year 2022 was well on its way and the words that a very caring, wise man had shared with me earlier in the year kept looping inside my head. He said: there are hundreds of emotions Abi, but there are only two cornerstone emotions, and once you learn how to master them, your experience of life will be completely different. Courage and Self-Compassion.
Watch the video here: The relationship between these two emotions
At first, I questioned the validity of his statement. However, as I started putting it into practice, I realized that he was absolutely right. My courage at the time was at an all-time low, and my fear of failure was at an all-time high. This was very curious given that I had accomplished what I and society considered to be a massive success: starting a high-tech company, growing it to become a global leader, and successfully selling to a prestigious private equity firm.
Why was my courage at an all-time low following such success? The fear of failure was paralyzing. Pondering on this question made me realize that more than being afraid of failure, I was afraid of myself. I was afraid of what I would do to myself if I failed. The emotional torment, the soul crippling negative self-talk, the proverbial whip that would ensue if I failed.
That was when I finally understood the connection between Courage and Self-Compassion. If we know how hard we are going to come down on ourselves if we fail, how likely are we to take risks? To try something completely new? To be vulnerable? Not at all. However, if we master Self-Compassion and know that no matter what happens we’ll take care of ourselves, that we’ll be gentle, forgiving, and loving towards ourselves, then what can actually go wrong? It’s empowering. Come on world, let’s do this!
I had given a speech at my birthday where I said: There are two ways to live life. To play it safe or to take risks. If you play it safe, you won’t lose much. But, if you don’t take some risks, you actually risk it all.
Looking back, it was clear that these were words coming from deep within my soul. It was a clear message that I myself needed to hear, more so than a message for the audience.
Most habits are very hard to break, but the habit of self-criticism is certainly one worth squashing. Self-criticism was embedded deep within me, and it is thanks to the consistent practice of the strategies below that I’ve been able to finally develop Self-Compassion.
Here are some of the simple practices I use to cultivate my self-compassion:
- Self-kindness over Self-criticism: When you make a mistake or experience a setback, practice talking to yourself as if you were comforting a friend. Instead of criticizing yourself, offer kind words and understanding. Visualize someone who cares about you deeply, such as a friend or loved one. Imagine them offering you love and care during a difficult time. Then, try to give yourself that same compassion.
- Mindful Awareness & Reflection: When you're going through a difficult moment, take a moment to pause, breathe, place a hand on your heart, and acknowledge the feelings without judgment. Simply observe how you're feeling without trying to change it. This helps create space for compassion. Also, at the end of the day, reflect on situations where you could have been kinder to yourself.
- Self-care Rituals: Make time to engage in activities that nurture and nourish you, whether that's taking a walk, reading, enjoying a warm bath, or doing something creative. Taking care of your physical and emotional needs helps build a foundation and space for self-compassion.
The simplest Self-Compassion practice and the one that has had the biggest impact in my life is closing my eyes, and saying to myself: This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is a part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment.
The interesting thing is that the more Self-Compassion I’ve developed, the more courageous I’ve become. So, I continue to focus on my Self-Compassion and let the benefits spill over into living a more courageous life.
With Gratitude, Courage, and Self-Compassion,
Abi
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