Throw away living a balanced life. Instead, create a fully integrated life.

This is a continuation from the blog post titled: Life is not about what we achieve. It is about who we become.

What now? That was the question that kept lingering inside my head. This question was not referring to some action I needed to take, it was an existential question. What am I going to do with my life now? 

It was early 2021. Over a year had already gone by since my tech company had been acquired, and I was both depressed and completely lost in life. I sat in my backyard and logged into Zoom for the weekly session with my therapist/coach at the time. She said: Abi, is it ok if we start with our usual centering practice? I said: there is no need today, I just got back from an intense morning workout followed by a plunge into freezing cold water, I feel very centered. She said: in that case, can we do just a one minute meditation?

As I closed my eyes, my consciousness instantly flew to a place I had never been to before. I was living a fully integrated life. What I did for work, my contributions to the world, and what I brought back home as a husband and father were all in harmony. It was beautiful. There were no competing priorities, everything I did towards one aspect of life, lifted up every other part of my life. Living this type of incredible, meaningful life felt effortless. 

As I opened my eyes, for the first time in my life I considered the possibility that this could actually be possible: Living a fully integrated life. It was something so basic, yet so profound. My coach asked me, how was it? I responded: You are not going to believe it, there was no time and space, it felt like hours, definitely not 60 seconds, where I vividly experienced what I was doing for work, how I was contributing to the world… And all of a sudden I went speechless. She asked: Abi, is everything ok? 

I raised my hand signaling to her to give me a minute. Eventually I spoke again and said: A snake just came next to my chair, lifted its head up, stared at me directly in the eyes for a good ten seconds and left. I was still in shock as she went on to explain how in many cultures the snake represents truth. As she was telling me about a special encounter she had with a snake many years back, I once again raised my hand signaling to her to give me a minute. The snake was back, this time a bit further from me, and I was able to capture it on camera as a way to memorialize this very special moment (see video below).

It was the first time in my life that I conceived the possibility of leading a life without compartments. Rather than approaching each aspect of my life separately — this is what I do to make money, this is the foundation that I created to make an impact in the world, this is what I enjoy doing with my wife and children —  everything was integrated. 

This brought me back ten years to one of the most important lessons I received during my MBA (Masters in Business Administration). The professor had done multiple years of research, had interviewed hundreds of “successful” people, and he said to us: the concept of work-life balance is flawed, it is wrong. Balance implies that as one aspect of life goes up others must come down. I encourage all of you as future leaders to think in terms of work-life integration. I want you to start thinking about how you can create a life where you are devoting your time to activities that give rise to all aspects of your life.

Sitting in my backyard on this beautiful sunny day, following such a transcendental moment, I felt refreshed and energized. For the first time in my life, envisioning a life where I was doing all the things I wanted to do didn’t feel overwhelming, it actually felt liberating, and most importantly, enjoyable.    

I hadn’t realized until then how much of my life had been distraction-led camouflaged as achievement-led. I asked myself, what has been the main distraction that has kept me operating at a high performance level all these years? I knew the answer: The allure of achieving financial independence. Literally like a carrot dangling in front of me, no matter how fast I ran, it was always ahead of me.

My therapist/coach said: Abi, it is very difficult to figure out what to do with your life once you remove all distractions, and congratulations, you have removed all distractions.

Following months of deep depression, the vision and possibility of living a fully integrated life provided me with a gleam of hope. It was right then and there that I declared: I commit myself to creating this incredible and meaningful fully integrated life. I had no idea about how I was going to do it, but that didn’t matter, at least now I knew that it was actually possible.

I found comfort and encouragement in words that I had heard just a few months earlier: When you get to the end of everything you know, you will either find solid ground to stand on, or you’ll learn how to fly. 

Even though I had crashed into a dark and deep depression, I was indeed learning how to fly.

With Gratitude,

Abi

-- You can Follow me on LinkedIn and Instagram for additional information

-- You can Subscribe to this Blog to receive future posts directly in your inbox